Hello, welcome to the Night Terrors. My name is Tink and I’ll be your training Elder. I see you’re holding the orientation packet so obviously you’ve sat through the presentation regarding the job and its traditions. Let me just say, I’ve been with the company for well over a hundred years so feel free to ask me anything.
My name? It’s the same name that I have carried for duration of my employment.
No, recruits never have names, it’s against company policy. You’ll get your own name once you complete the training.
A name tag? That would be counter-productive to what we do, don’t you think?
No, I don’t believe there is a suggestion box anywhere.
Look, I know I said you could ask me anything, but I really meant anything about the job. This other stuff is better suited for NTR.
I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m a Scare-along Trainer, not a member of Night Terror Resources. How about we put this argument aside for now and just deal with the task at hand? Can we agree on that much?
First things first, you need to pull your hair over your face — a little more. More.
Look, it’s company policy that all Night Terrors have their hair appropriately draped over their eyes. It’s a big part of what makes us so terrifying.
It may seem petty to you, but it’s part of the job. When you punch out in the morning you can push it right back. Hair is a Job Standard. I’m sure it was covered in orientation. That’s much better, thank you.
Now, can you pull your shadow out a bit? A little more. Long and lean is the way to go. It takes awhile to get your shadow to cooperate and become truly ominous, but with practice the skill will develop.
Peter who? Oh. Yeah, he took the business in a bit of a different direction from where we are now, but he was definitely one of the leaders in shadow work. I can’t recommend removing your shadow completely like that though. Historically it’s shown to be difficult to regain full control once you’ve detached it.
My shadow is very flexible, but I’ve been working with it for over a century. See?
Oops, sorry about that. I was just trying to demonstrate what you can achieve with hard work and determination.
Really, you need to get that crying under control. Oh, uh, okay yeah, your sleeve is fine. Be sure to drop your cloak off at Wardrobe to be cleaned before you leave. Better? Good, now let’s get to work.
See the light switch over there?
No, to the left, next to the table lamp that looks like Dr. Seuss threw up on it.
Do I have to walk over there and touch it?
No, light switches have not changed so drastically over the years that you can’t spot one at ten feet. It’s right there!
Um— what are you doing with a Smartphone?
Insta-what? You are not allowed to have a phone while you’re on the job.
Yes, this is the job. All training is paid so every minute we spend together is work! I’m certain your orientation materials include a sheet listing Do’s and Don’ts, and phones are definitely under Don’t.
Oh for Night’s sake! Really? A selfie?
You’re right, I’m totally over-reacting. I’ll just sit over here next to this granny square of a top and wait for you. I guess being exposed to light won’t be so bad. After all, it’s just vaporization we’re talking about. How painful could that possibly be?
Oh crap! Stop! Put it away, someone’s coming! Shhhhh!
I know, I can see her too. I think she heard us. Cover that phone!
Oh shit! Pull your shadow! PULL IT NOW!